Saturday night ramblings

What a beautiful almost Spring day. Tomorrow is even suppose to be better.  I even have a few crocuses blooming. I love Spring time best of all. It gives hope to dreary souls and renewed faith in life.

There does seem to be so much to learn about blogging and fear says you can’t  do this.  But if I can survive life then surely I can learn this. Besides it will be great for me to learn a new skill.

I asked for ideas, comments, and opinions and so I got them.  Thank you.A few of them boasted my ego and a few sent off the fears. So  I thought maybe I would just write about that..

What is ego actually?  Is it always that voice that tells you that you are better then others?  Is it false pride?  I use to think that’s what it was, and that because I thought so poorly of myself that I had no ego.  But through recovery I discovered it can also be that voice that tells me I can’t  do something. That I will never measure up. That I will fail. I lived most of my life feeling I was a failure. It was the reason I made so many bad decisions.  It was also the reason I never did so many things I wanted to, that fear that I would fail and look like a fool.  Even today I have to battle that feeling. But today I know its not all about me. No one is going to look at me and feel sorry for ‘poor lonely lady’ No one is going to notice or even care that I am doing something by myself. No one is going to think ‘poor person no one wants to be with her.’  What is going to happen, if I allow ego to have its way is I will get older and not be able to do those things and wish I had.

So for me ego is not that voice that tells me I am better, but rather that voice that whats to keep me small.  But why would ego want to keep me small ? Because it is afraid of success. Ego knows how to fail, but success? Now that would be something it won’t know how to deal with. And yet even that is a lie that ego tells self because self has been very successful. Just look at where I am today.

I am not yet where I want to be, but I sure in the heck am not where I started from and for that I am grateful.

Blessings to all of you, may you find that part of you that is so much more then a mind or a body, but rather the part that is who you really are.

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Chapter one

Good morning world, how does one tell their story? I remember once hearing about someone I don’t remember who, who started his book with I was born. And I remember thinking well so were we all. How much do I share, every little detail has made me who I am. So what do I tell you about and what do I skip all of it is my story. In times past I have always worried that I might hurt somebody’s feelings, or upset someone in my family. So I have always put off the idea of writing my story because I am a creature of avoid conflict at all cost. But the time has come. Let me begin by saying that my parents did the best they knew how, even if that was not very good. If they could do it all over again they would, but we only get one chance for life. There is a Scripture that says the sins of the father are passed down seven generations. As a young person I never understood those words. Today I understand that it’s not talking about God punishing seven generations of children. But rather it can take seven generations for the dysfunction of the family to play out. Such is the story of my family. Long-ago and faraway, there was a young man fresh to the big city and looking for a good time. He asked a friend if that friend knew a girl, that was looking for a good time. That friend introduced my father to my mother. I was the results of that time. At back in the 50s if you got a young lady pregnant you married her. Thus became the story of the Frasers. I am the oldest of six children. I have four sisters and one brother. We grew up in Saginaw Michigan. Ah time for work, more to follow tonight. I don’t want to bore anyone, and I don’t want to write a history book I just want to give enough background to set the stage.

Welcome to my life.

Welcome all who pass by. Many times it has been said that I should share my life story. That it may give hope to someone struggling to survive life. This will be the story of how a butterfly earned her wings. Life is not fair, nor is it easy. There was a time when all I wanted was to die. No more, today I enjoy each breath I am given. It took many heart aches and long periods of darkness to get to where I am today. Life is still not easy.

Currently I am dealing with a choice my loving husband made that may well destroy my dreams of the future. But it is as it is suppose to be. Later I may share what that choice was, but for now it is enough to share that it could  change everything. Nothing stays the same.

The one thing I know is that no matter what happens I will walk through the flames and come out the other side stronger and maybe wiser. I have faith in my ability to survive no matter what happens in life. Time and time again I have walked through situations that have destroyed others and I am d]still here. Having said that I know there are others who have walked through some of the same things and even worse. This is only my story. I am not better then anyone else, but I am strong in my ways.

All comments are always welcomed, and any suggestions are accepted as long as they are given in love. Please do not share hate or fear here.

May peace and joy be your guiding light today.